I want to be smarter. But I have a hard time remembering things if I only read them. When I write things by hand I remember them best. But to be frank, I don't want to get hand cramps or unnecessarily buy paper.
So I decided to type. I will now be doing reviews of books I buy.
Today's book falls into the psychology genre with a holistic view of our overall health. The book is How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera. I'm adding a little TL;DR style chart below if you just want a quick overview.
|Genre||Psychology, Self-Help, Holistic Wellness|
|What it's about||How to recognize your destructive behaviors, their origins, and how you can better understand yourself to heal and create a better version of yourself.|
|My main takeaway||I tend to give so much of myself at the expense of my own happiness and sanity and I can trace this back to learned behaviors from childhood. Boundaries are key for me to lead a life I feel more fulfilled from.|
But if you want my more in-depth take on the book and what I got out of it, keep reading.
Keep in mind – since this is a self-help book – my experience might be much different from yours if you do read it.
What problems was I facing that made me read this book?
- Therapy is expensive and inaccessible to most: It makes me angry how inaccessible mental health care is for the majority of our global population. I can't currently afford it. I needed something self-paced and on my own terms.
- I want to understand the origins of my challenges: I hold on to a lot of repressed anger. I wasn't sure where it came from or how to cope. It was starting to eat away at me and I wanted to confront myself with solutions.
- 9.5/10 times I'm emotionally unavailable: I have a really hard time making and keeping friends or staying in touch with loved ones. I'm not a big group of friends type of person either but I do like feeling connected to a small handful of people. I just tend to detach when I feel people want more emotionally from me than I can give.
Did the book help me solve (or get closer to) solving my problem(s)?
Solve, no. Inner work is too complex to solve with one book or one therapy session.
But I am closer.
The book empowered me with the "tools" I need to become what's called a "Self Healer". Dr. LePera recognizes how most of the world is at a disadvantage when it comes to affording health care.
So she wrote this book to equip us with inner tools nobody can take from us.
Every chapter in the book comes with follow-up work you can do to better understand and work on yourself. It is not judgemental. I was never made to feel small or like my feelings were not valid.
You're encouraged to take the bits you feel work for you and let go of what doesn't. The fact the book recognizes we all cope and heal differently made me feel at home when opening up parts of myself that I don't like to see for too long.
Reading this book made me feel heard and seen in ways I never had before.
There are things in there I relate to that I'm not comfortable typing here. I'm so happy the author put these things in her book and made herself vulnerable so she could help others.
If I had to summarize this book into key points
These are my main takeaways from the book. I read this book with my own unique set of problems therefore my takeaways might be different from what you will take away from this book.
Boundaries are a not-so-secret ingredient to our happiness.
We spend so much of our lives trying to please others. Maybe we see or are taught that it's the "right thing to do" because you should do anything anytime for friends or family.
But this is selfish thinking.
Be selective. Say no more. You will be a better person for yourself and better when you are present to the things you choose to commit to.
You decide what your boundaries are. It's not something you plan as a unit.
Personally, I often find myself second-guessing myself because I wonder how things might be judged and pulled out of context. For a while, I felt I needed approval to live life on my terms.
But now I see that settings boundaries isn't something that other people need to agree with. They just need to respect your limits. It's not a negotiation.
Keep things in your life that bring goodness and eliminate what never will
Working in content marketing, especially social media, you feel the pressure to have a certain amount of people you follow. It's like you "owe" it to someone to follow them. Or maybe if you only follow X amount of people then you don't REALLLLLY care about your audience.
Truth is, this is so fucking toxic!
Yes, I care about my audience. But a follow is not indicative of my caring. Whether we're talking about friends IRL or people we follow, we need to be selective of the things we allow into our space. Ever hear how you can have too much of a good thing?
Yeah, well I think I followed too many marketers, designers, leaders, etc. Do I really need to follow so many? No!
You don't owe anyone anything that takes away from your ability to be your best self. If you can't be your best self you will not be able to help anyone. Fiercely protect your space.
This made me realize that what I do that shows I care is the quality of my responses to my audience in private interactions (or comments fi the comment is thoughtful).
A follow-back is not that deep.
Want to read How to Do the Work and form your own opinion? Buy it here.
Please note, this is an affiliate link. I will earn a small percentage of the sale if you make a purchase with it. You are not being charged anything extra by purchasing through my link.
And if you do buy it, tell me what you thought!
If you enjoyed reading this then you might also like Boundaries: The One Thing That Changed My Personal Life & My Career